I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
