Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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