his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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