I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
