Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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