A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
