remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
