she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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