evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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