so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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