Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
