My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Semen is not good for contacts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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