My first STD was from a foam party
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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