You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
