I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
