another moral hangover. fuck.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
