this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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