so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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