Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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