I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
