Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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