Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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