I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
