please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
