how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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