have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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