I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize