K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
