Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
