aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
