can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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