giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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