After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
