using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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