singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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