If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
