Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
