I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
