Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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