Michael Bay diarrhea
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
