I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
