theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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