i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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