me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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