Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize