well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
