just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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