so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
