I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
