bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
