lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
