My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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