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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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