Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
