yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We have started to decorate penises.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
