I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
