there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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