sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
