There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
