porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
one two three fourrrrnication!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
