I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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