just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
