Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
