He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?