and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
